Never Underestimate the Power of Politeness

We can help uplift our world, one kind encounter at a time.

by Patrick Klingaman

Until more recently, I saw politeness as basic behavior—the norm—except during extreme circumstances. No longer. Public spaces, both in person and especially online, are too often filled with anger, fear, conflict or, at best, a general sense of grumpiness.

For me, I am going to try to stop grumbling about grumpiness and seize upon the great opportunity it creates. For when each of us more fully embraces the practice of politeness, our light stands out in stark contrast to the darkness of the day. Our behavior might even encourage others to do the same.

“The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.”–Richard Rohr

At first glance, simply being polite may seem too insignificant to bother with. I even struggled with completing this post, wondering if I had more “worthwhile” ideas to pursue. As I thought about it, though, I became convinced that this could be one of the best ways to start bringing people together. Unlike, let’s say, hugs, we can practice politeness with everyone without seeming weird. And, since we can’t force people to be nice to one another, demonstrating a more loving way to behave might be our most effective option. More often than not, we’ll discover that kindness can make everyone involved feel better–plus it’s contagious.

Because of my brief stint as a speedy retail cashier just after high school, I often appreciate–and sometimes compliment–those whose checkout performance would leave me in the dust. Recently, I tried to praise a grouchy grocery checker who was scanning the items in my cart faster than I was unloading them. She was having such a bad day, she thought I was criticizing her for going too fast. Once I assured her that I was positively impressed, everything changed. Suddenly, the cashier became cordial, not just toward me but also those next in line. If an act so simple can create a chain reaction, imagine what you and I could instigate with a more concerted effort.  

I invite you to join me in a simple experiment: pick a day (or more) and focus on trying to be especially polite in all your interactions with others. Say “please” when asking for something. Give a genuine thank you (with eye contact and a smile if possible) when you receive something, even if you paid dearly for it. Listen intently when someone is speaking, seeking to understand instead of judging or thinking about how to reply. Give compliments as often as possible. And, when things or people go wrong, act better than you think the situation might call for.

Don’t limit your good behavior to in-person relationships. Imagine how “social” social media and the rest of the digital world could become if more of us showed greater consideration for others in the quality (and quantity!) of what we post, comment on, and share. We can be a positive online “influencer” if we focus on uplifting others through encouragement instead of nitpicking.

“It is astounding what power being kind, mannered, polite and considerate has in transforming your life.” – Bryant McGill

Although other project posts here may cover more “ambitious” aspects of creating a movement of love and connection, none of our efforts will gain much momentum without cultivating the habit of politeness. It doesn’t take a genius to know that being rude to strangers is a horrible way cultivate new relationships.

Fortunately, the opposite is true. Even the smallest kindness can spark new connections and begin to transform the lives of others–and us. Embrace the power of politeness today!

Please share your experiences with politeness in the comment section below. For more regathering and connecting ideas, be sure to visit The Regathering Project’s Try This! page on our website.

Thanks for reading! – Patrick